She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
