remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
4 words: hood of his car
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
