i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
