I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
