Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
