just tell him i said nine months
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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