My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
