I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
