YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
