She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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