getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
