i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize