apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize