But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
