So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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