I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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