cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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