They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
