Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
