I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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