Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
