I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
