Jerry, you need to find god
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
