The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
