I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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