Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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