And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
