Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
