Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
