Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
