I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
