seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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