I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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