i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
