When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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