the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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