My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
