My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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