This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
