I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Shame is for Republicans.
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