Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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