You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
