smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
