I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
