Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
