I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
