Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
