lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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