Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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