Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
