it wasn't lemon gatorade
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
