Cold hands, warm shart.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
