tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
