We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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