your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
