a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
