I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
