you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
