Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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