Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
