Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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