oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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