Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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