i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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