I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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