What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
