i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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