how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
