I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
