is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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