I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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