I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
