You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
