he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
