My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
