I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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