Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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