Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
