my mouth tastes like poor choices
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
