Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
