Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
