Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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