You can't special order awesome
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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