Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
