totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
