You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
