I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
